There’s a moment I see often in coaching sessions, a talented, capable professional sits across from me, doubting themselves. Not because they aren’t skilled, but because they’ve been stuck in a pattern of holding back, overthinking, and second-guessing.
Sound familiar?
That moment is called the confidence loop. And once you recognize it, you can begin to shift it.
What Is the Confidence Loop?
It’s a self-reinforcing cycle that looks like this:
You hesitate to act or speak up because you’re unsure.
That hesitation sends a signal to your brain, “maybe I don’t have what it takes.”
So you avoid the challenge.
And guess what? The lack of action reinforces the original doubt.
No risk taken, no confidence built.
The loop continues.
Where It Shows Up
The confidence loop hides in plain sight:
You stay quiet in meetings even when you have a great point.
You delay applying for the job because you don’t meet 100% of the criteria.
You avoid asking for feedback or promotion because “now isn’t the right time.”
This loop doesn’t just impact performance. It slowly chips away at your self-trust.
What Keeps You In It?
Often, it’s a mix of early career conditioning, perfectionism, and fear of judgment. Maybe you were praised for being agreeable or punished for getting it wrong. Maybe you’re the only woman, person of color, or expat in the room, and it feels safer to blend in than stand out.
Whatever the origin, the loop becomes a comfort zone with a high cost.
Breaking the Loop
Confidence doesn’t magically appear. It’s built through action. Here’s how to begin:
1. Start Small, Act Fast
Confidence builds from evidence. Choose one small action today, speak up in a meeting, post that thought on LinkedIn, schedule the networking call you’ve been avoiding.
2. Reframe Mistakes as Data
Shift your relationship to risk. A “mistake” isn’t failure, it’s feedback. Ask yourself, “what did this teach me?” instead of “what’s wrong with me?”
3. Anchor Yourself in Truth
Write a short list of past wins, times you spoke up, took action, and it worked. Keep it visible. Confidence is remembering what you’ve already done.
4. Regulate Your Nervous System
Confidence isn’t just mindset, it’s physiological. Deep breathing, grounding, or even walking before high-pressure situations can shift your state.
5. Borrow Belief (Until Yours Builds)
If you can’t access full confidence yet, borrow someone else’s belief in you. A mentor, coach, friend, even the version of yourself from 5 years ago who would be amazed at where you are now.
You Don’t Need to Be Ready. Just Willing.
You don’t need to be fearless to be confident. You just need to show up.
Confidence isn’t loud, arrogant, or perfect. It’s quiet, steady action, over and over again.
You’re more ready than you think.
The loop only breaks when you do.